We went to the hospital because the older one seemed to have caught the flu. The first thing we had to do was fill a form and when we got to the "religion?" question my son said, " leave it blank". I smiled, said "ok" and left it blank but the wonderful lady across the counter was not going to let us submit an incomplete form so we were asked to fill it. When I said that we didn't know, she was perplexed and irritated with the reply. She had the "how can you not know" look. The son just shrugged, we insisted and she scribbled something - empty answer box obviously made her very uncomfortable.
Now, that got me thinking - had I done a good job as a parent? Is questioning his religion and God a good thing? Or had I made a mistake by not instilling a sense of my religion in him? I think he believes in god or maybe not. He says the Gayatri Mantra, will happily visit a gurdwara and quietly visit a mandir. Will light a candle in a church and go through the motions of putting a chaader in a Dargah, so...?
I guess it was time for me to question myself. Am I believer or not? I say the Gayatri Mantra (was taught before I could speak) and pretty much do all the above. The gurdwara, the mandir....I even have a puja on Diwali with all the Ganesh statues in the house, my silver Lakshmi and silver coins. But do I really belive that the Ganesh statues suddenly morph into God that day or that putting a tikka on the coins will bring financial prosperity during the year - not really! But then am I not a a believer?
My mother is a firm believer and a Sanatan Dharmi. Dad is an Arya Samaji whose mother was a Sanathan Dharmi and father read the Jabji saab every day. I grew up in a house where my grandmother woke up at 5am with Akaashvani and it's wonderful tune followed by Vande mataram and the Ram Charita Manas. The Ram Charitra Manas was my favourite. It took her close to three hrs to finish her morning prayers and a mid day nap was required to recover. Her Krishna stories were fascinating as were my grandfather's narration of the Ramayana but the wonderful stories did less to instill faith in God and did more to ignite an interest in Hindu mythology.
Funnily, at age 11 I didn't have any such dilemma. I went to the temple in Khan market almost everyday. But then, it might have been because it gave me something to do and the boondi Prasadh was yummyi. I would zip to the market on my bike, say Hi to all three gods - Hanuman, Ram-Lakshman,-Sita and Shiva, ring the bells and eat boondi prasad. Actually, now that I think of it, it might have been the boondi that attracted me because I wasn’t particularly pleased with the pandit when he distributed Patasas,. I would occasionally buy mithal and offer it at the mandir and I think therein lies the start of my love for mithal - all gods fault! I really think that at that time I believed, though I should mention that it was also the time when I bought a lottery ticket every month. So when and how did I start questioning it all….
I've seen what faith can do for you. When my grandmother was dying the only thing that gave my aunt solace was praying. My best friend found Buddhism and it transformed her life for the better. My other best friend hardly went to the mosque when I first met her. I think I had a hand in encouraging her to visit the mosque (selfishly hoping that it would lead to Kebabs and/or Saivaya on Eid) and it seems to have brought positivity into her life but no Kebabs or Saivayya into mine. My inlaws believe in Sai baba and my sister is a practicing Sikh. I only see positive influences of their faith on them. But my biggest moment of belief was at the Maha-Kumb Mela in 2000.
I heard so much about the Maha-Kumbh when it was on that finally towards the end of it we went decided to go to Allahabad to see what the hype was all about. Won't bore you with other details but one incident is vivid in my memory. We were in the boat at the holiest spot contemplating whether to go in or not when a man from another boat jumped in carrying his 90 year old frail mother. The look of first happiness and then peace on the face of this old and almost shrivelledup lady was the most beautiful and fascinating thing I have ever seen. It was difficult for us, especially me to stop staring. One would have thought that I had spotted God.
And maybe I had. Maybe this is what religion was invented for, why people believe! Faith gives them a focus, a purpose and above all, peace. It's hard to believe this when the world is burning up but hey we're discussing able minded people and not deranged fascists. Maybe it’s faith that gives hope when there is none left.
And my faith... Oh well, like a friend said when as a young 15 year olds I was vociferously questioning it all, "see, if you believe and there is a God, great. If you don't believe and there isn't a god, great. But, if you don't believe and then it turns out that there is a God there might be a bit of a problem na so may as well believe!".....