The big 50 is coming up soon and I was playfully lamenting to my husband how I have no achievements to show for the years. I don't quite believe that but it sounds dramatic enough to get me some attention and yes, I had been watching some video clip about an overachiever. I don't remember in which field but must have been sports ‘coz they inspire me the most.
But I meander... so as I lamented my husband turned around and said, "arre you have one son doing...and the other doing...." and listed my sons' academic achievements. My instant reaction was "how do their achievements become my achievements?"!
I often read, see and hear that having successful children is an achievement and it always bothers me because since when did our children become our goal, or work?
Sure, being able to instill in your child your value system or strong principles is an achievement. Being able to teach them how to balance fun with work or pride in their wins with humility is an achievement. Providing them with an environment that is safe but doesn't smother them or with opportunities that encourage them to think and question and making them understand when they need to fight and when they need to walk away are achievements.
Getting teenagers to hear you (listen is too high a goal), a 4 year to wear a sweater without running away or an adolescent to clean her room without sulking are even greater achievements. And for some of us it's getting them to not hate you for making them learn Hindi (taking a 6 hr exam did almost shake that!) and loving Gol Guppa as much as you do is exceptional!
However their academic successes, their sporting victories and professional triumphs are their own. It is their hard work, value system and experiences that play a role in helping them choose their path and excel in it. Everything is not hereditary or provided by a parent. Teachers, friends, extended family, team mates, aquantances and strangers consciously and subconsciously influence the choices they make. We parents play a large and significant role in it but to call our children’s achievements our achievements would be the same as a film director claiming that the best actor award that the lead in his film won, is his achievement.
And honestly, I have nicer achievements - ones that don't talk back, sit in a cabinet...